Most single guys at one of my online dating sites are settled in their life. They join a asian singles site, but stick to their morning, afternoon and evening routine and hardly ever will they go beyond the boundaries of that routine. Even a single guy’s loneliness can become his norm and if someone crosses his path that interest him, he rationalizes instead of trying to change. Many times this leads to bewilderment – he just isn’t sure if she is the one. He over thinks, he pauses, rewinds, goes forward until nothing makes sense about being involved. Soon he is back to his comfortable routine of drinking beer and watching football on Sunday. The loneliness he feels won’t go away and after many beer drinking Sundays, he may try to fill that emptiness again. But just like before, he soon feels he is out of his comfort zone and the story repeats itself. After awhile, he is asking himself, how do I find love?

This problem persist because he wants the girl to instantly fit into his comfort zone. At first, when he sees her, he is energized and this is enough to keep the relationship alive. In time the lady’s persona and feelings make him over think the relationship and the enthusiasm dissipates. At one time it was stimulating, but it loses its gleam as the relationship moves ahead – especially when the lady’s dialogue involves changes in his life. He feels the pressure and wants out. Soon, he is back to filling his emptiness with beer and Sunday afternoon football.

You see ladies, guys don’t have the same type of natural feeling as you do and don’t easily trust innate feelings. He’ll over think what’s in his heart, especially if he feels the only way he can love you is for him to make major changes in his life (they may not be key to you, but to him missing a Sunday afternoon of football may seem worse than going through hurricane Ivan). The gap will widen until it is beyond closing, no matter how he may really feel about you. Whatever he felt at first now lie in a place that has no insight of intuition. It may still be there, but buried in a cluster of confusion. What can you do ladies? Not much, except maybe back off a little. What can you do guys? Don’t ponder about it – trust your gut feeling.

I just got done saying that a guy’s feelings may be buried in perplexity. What a man doesn’t realize that this is what separate men from women’s intuition. What we interpose as confusion, a lady calls intuition and has absolute trust in those feelings no matter how chaotic it may seem. In other words, guys, they go with the flow. We will fight it, we will rationalize it, we will try to hide it with alcohol, cover it with masculine bravo, but instead, we should listen to it. Don’t run, don’t hide, just let it be and let it take its course. Scary, thought, isn’t it, guys? But if you are fatigued of the merry-go-round of emptiness you may want to give it a chance.

I know some of you guys are still looking for precision, so here goes. Our visual instincts are in tune when we first see a lady. All she needs to do is give us a little sign of encouragement and our hormones are in high gear. We don’t think further than the moment, care about house payments or closet space, our eyes see what we like, a signal says it is ok to like what we observe and we are in heaven. Simple! Now let’s jump ahead where the lady starts thinking with reference to how life would be beyond the weekend movie, sexual encounters and the occasional dinner together. She wants more. If you fight it, she is gone, so you let the door open. She is in with some feelings – you thought you could handle it, but now you seem to be reacting to her feelings. Is this bad, guys, that you are reacting to her feelings? We seem to interpret a reaction, even if it is a encouraging one, as being horrific. At this phase we begin the debate between what we feel and what we know. We know we like to watch foot ball, but how will my feelings modify me being able to watch football on Sunday? (I know ladies, you just can’t believe it’s that hard to decide between football and love, but for guys, it can be). When there is a debate between our head and our heart, ladies, the head more often than not wins. What I’m telling guys, if what you feel inside is positive, don’t cloud it with other potential scenarios. Let it flow – trust that what you feel inside can be a positive in all aspects of your life. But for now, don’t think, just be.

Guys, I’m not saying that in time you may understand that she is not suitable for you and shouldn’t get out, but what I am saying is we usually kill the opportunity to find out before we let time take its course. Usually, we over think our reactions until the only reaction left is we feel she is an intrusion in our life. Than she’s gone and the loneliness comes back – another Sunday, another 6 pack or two of beer and you are getting older, lonelier and maybe, just maybe, wiser.

I say wiser because I think younger guys fit the above sort better than an older gent. As a guy gets older, he may recognize not to react so rapidly, but trust that what he feels may actually enhance other aspects of his life. This is why a lot of younger Filipina ladies like older men. To them, older men are more settled, accepting and willing.

Obviously, guys have met a lady and after the first date knew she wasn’t the one. Even then a guy will call it a gaffe rather than a gut feeling. He’ll say something like, “I don’t know what I saw in her, but man she isn’t for me.” It is when it goes beyond the first date and his gut has already said, “man she is the one” that he will start to talk himself out of any involvement when the lady wants a little more than the two of them getting together on Friday and Saturday nights. I”m telling you guys, trust that initial feeling, let the confusion in, don’t fight it and give it time. You may find that you can still watch your football game on Sundays while she is nibbling on your ear.

That’s it, short and sweet. Guys, if you feel she is the one after a date or two, trust your gut feeling and don’t talk yourself out of it. There is more to life than Sunday afternoon football. There is Monday night football also. Just kidding, smile, let what you feel be your guide and forget thinking too hard about how those feelings may modify your life. Let it flow and let her love you.

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